It’s amazing how we human beings can take things that were designed for our good and turn them into idols or tyrants.
Take my running for example. One year ago, I was at 350-plus pounds and would get severely winded just walking up the stairs at my place of employment. I was firmly in the camp who would look at a marathoner and say “I could never do that.”
One year later, and I find myself seated at our kitchen table, frustrated and discouraged that I struggled doing the eight mile long run that “The Non-Runner’s Marathon Trainer called for. Wasn’t fast enough. Didnt feel mentally or physically tough enough.
That frustration bled over into the moments before the 3-mile run that I started about 8:30 this morning. On my Nike Run Club app for my smartphone, I downloaded a 30-minute guided run called “Just A Run” by Coach Chris Bennett. Since downloading that app, at the suggestion of my friend Fitmess Mom, I have had Coach Bennett accompany me on a number of runs and it’s helped me greatly.
Last nights rains brought through cooler weather. It was 57 degrees when I left the house. No wind to speak of. Experienced runners tell rookies like me to “dress for the second mile” so I knew that while the first mile might be on the chilly side, as my body heated up, I was going to be relatively comfortable after that.
Scattered showers were called for in the forecast so I wore my special Singlespeed Brewing Cap so rain wouldn’t get in my eyes. This cap is special to me because it was given to me, along with other goodies from Singlespeed by Danielle Morris, the wife of Taylor Morris at the completion of my first 5K, the Glow Stick 5K on September 8th, 2018. It was a night run. I was about 309 lbs at the time. I had no intention of doing any kind of running whatsoever until my friend and running partner Terri, for reasons only known to herself or completely forgotten by me, challenged me to run it. It turned out to be more of a 2.5-plus mile run (two times around the big lake at Prairie Lakes Park), but it was for a good cause so I didn’t mind. Looking back on the video I am sure that I presented a strange sight. I was still very heavy set but I had been training for about a month at that point so I somewhat looked like I knew what I was doing out there. I even passed a couple of people who were actually running the race, which both surprised and delighted me.
I crossed the finish line just shy of a half-hour. Then a lady, which turned out to be Danielle, handed me the Singlespeed bag and told me that I did a great job and then disappeared. I was out of breath and swept away of the euphoria of completing my mission that I never got the chance to say thank you. I feel the need to enroll in this years race just so I can tell her that.
I remember that feeling of euphoria at the finish line with my bride and my running partner awaiting me. That feeling of accomplishment. Of victory. The happiness and self-confidence that comes from that. That is why I started running. Physical and mental well-being and improvement. I started out with the understanding that I was an incompetent working my way towards competency and mastery. While I was training for that first 5K I told myself to just keep the runners motion and hammer away at it. It didn’t matter what time I finished my runs. Putting my nose to the grindstone was all that mattered.
Contrast that with the feelings of frustration of Monday. I wasn’t happy with my splits? So what. I had just run 8 miles- a distance that I would have ruled an impossibility a year ago. When did this thing, this tool, this gift from God, turn into a heartless tyrant? When did the freedom of a long distance run turn into a stern, unforgiving task master? When did green thoughts turn into red ones?
It isn’t supposed to be like this. Exercise is supposed to be a celebration of the body and what it can do. A journey of the human being from his/her default mode- fat, lazy, selfish, uneducated, and mean- into accomplishment and self-confidence.
There comes a time when you have to kill your expectations. To burn the watch. To ignore the splits. To overthrow the tyrant in your head. To make running fun again. To remember the joy we felt when we completed our first long run. That first dash around the neighborhood. That first 5K. A Zen master called it the “Beginner’
s Mind.” I am not into Zen, but that initial joy we felt should be reconnected to time and again in running, or in anything else.
I opted for a hillier course today that I had mapped out for myself last year but haven’t used this year just to shake things up. I was pleasantly surprised with the ease I took the moderate inclined hill near our house with no real physical or mental unease. That had never happened before. Same thing with the Maryhill Drive Hill. And Southdale School Hill. And the hill behind College Square Mall (or what’s left of it anyway). They came up. I ran them. I moved along.
It wasn’t a big deal. And that is a big deal.
Breathing was good. Nice deep breaths. I felt in total control of the run even though it was a recovery run.
Sometimes recovery runs recover more than just the physical.
319 Iowa Runner 